Roatan Sweeps Panamanian Winter Destination Voting

Bocas del Toro, Panama - Vote talliers shook their heads in amazement earlier this week as they counted votes aboard the tiny sailing vessel Ute. After weeks of heated debate as to where this seagoing beauty will spend the winter sailing season, election officials anticipated at best a tie, and perhaps even discord and infighting among the ship's crew.

But to the immense surprise of everyone aboard, each and every scrap of crumpled paper pulled out of the moldy John Deere hat clearly read, "Roatan".

The ship's lemur, Ringo, who was standing by as designated tiebreaker at the time, was dumbfounded. "We will now have to vote on something else, because I never got to be a tiebreaker before and I was really excited," he stated, his disappointment barely concealed. "maybe we can vote on something about bananas, or puppies."

As Ute's captain and first mate were unavailable for comment, voting experts can only speculate as to what catalyzed the sweep by the long, skinny island of Roatan, which is part of the Central American nation of Honduras. "We can't say anything for sure," said one observer, "but we suspect the outcome is due in large part to the fact that Florida sucks, and Roatan does not suck."